Final Paper (What I believe to be the real one)

I honestly believe that by accidentally signing up for a 400 level class as a Sophomore may be one of the best decisions I have made throughout my short college career (hopefully I will pass the class though!). I have had the opportunity to see and interact with 'the greats' of the Literature department-- 'the greats' being a cheesy title for Dr. Sexson and, of course, all of you. Yes you, each and every one of the students in Dr. Sexsons class are a piece of the journey I have taken this semester. When I first set foot into Dr. Sexson's class I was scared beyond belief. Here I was, finally doing what I had always wanted to do, I was on my way to becoming a graduate in Literature and as I sat down in a class full of juniors and seniors I could not help but feel out of place-- severely out of place. I was in a room filled with students that had all payed their dues, they had all had 'Captain Morgan' and had there fair share of chalk thrown at them and all knew what Ben Leubner liked to do in his spare time (which turns out to be reading Finnegan's Wake!), these students knew the In's and outs of the Literature department and here I was barely keeping my head above water, that is until I noticed a familiar face-- Jenny Lynn. It is funny to me how there is such an unsaid bond between kids of a small town, I knew Jenny through a few of my friends from Livingston but for the most part had never really talked with her, in this moment I zeroed in on her in point five seconds and was immediately at a desk beside her. She graciously accepted me as the kind hearted person she is and began giving me advice for all the teachers I had and how to keep them at bay. I literally took out a pen and began taking notes, she reassured me so much on that first day and made me see that this was do'able, that I could De-code this department and that I could survive. I admit I was still filled with fear, all of the students in Dr. Sexson's class where talking to one another loudly as though they had known one another for years (which they had), I felt very out of my element even with the help of Jenny and as I left the classroom on that first day I was still very uneasy. Then, as time went on another friendly 'great' decided to help me along-- Sam. Wonderful Sam who is as equally kind hearted as dear Jenny invited me over to watch 'The Skin of Our Teeth' one night with Jenny at her house. I was so excited I feel almost lame admitting it but I was being welcomed in to this amazing world of high brow and low brow books and I was being shown that I was (I know this sounds like I am a high school girl) being accepted. After we watched the movie we all sat down to read some pages from James Joyce's Ulysses, this was a very special moment for me. People, interested in reading books and so interested in one single book that they are all sitting down together in their spare time to read it with one another! This is most likely every day life for Sam and Jenny who surround themselves in the type of environment that would seem to allow such things but for myself this was a unique moment. Mostly because I live with and education major, my mom graduated in accounting, my dad in psychology (and he has worked with computers for his whole life), I am dating a Finance major, my sister is an architect, my best friend is going to school for chemistry, and my brother is a pilot-- I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK ABOUT FINNEGANS WAKE WITH! I have never been pushed in the Literary field because there has never been anyone to push me! None of the people I listed above even knew what Finnegan's Wake was until I of course lashed them to a chair and gaged them to make them listen to me read it aloud! So all this to say I cannot help but read through the blogs I have written this semester and notice that I continually make excuses for my low brow ways but to be completely honest I now do not give a damn. I am low brow as of right now, I have never been exposed to Literary environment until now and I have not had the chance to flourish quite as much as many of you have. Thus I guess I have returned, I have returned to the first day and I have known it for the first time. I can now walk away from this class with a sense of fulfilment. I have read all the same books as any of you have in this course and where I get discouraged by every one's excellent writing I have learned to accept where I am right now. I am not a Junior or a Senior and I have not had the upper hand that many of the students in class have had and I am O.K. with that now. I can be patient with myself, and I want to thank all those who have been patient with me and helped me along the way. I am very happy to now be a part of this wonderful close-knit literary community.